


touch

by ZainBAP



Series: best absolute puppies [4]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Fluff, Full Shift Werewolves, Himchan's POV, M/M, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 07:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10509120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZainBAP/pseuds/ZainBAP
Summary: They don't talk about that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a werewolf AU fic verse I started on my tumblr. I'll post all written parts here on AO3, but for the additional pictures you'll still have to check out my [best absolute puppies](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/tagged/best-absolute-puppies) tag on my blog. This is also where I'll post updates and answers questions about this series.
> 
> ( To see what their wolf forms look like, see [here](http://zainbap.tumblr.com/post/148026625119/). )

Himchan is not a morning person, but he is a heavy sleeper. The rest of the house can come alive around him without it interrupting his slumber.

Today, however, he jolts awake at the sound of shattering porcelain. As if someone dropped a plate in the kitchen. Himchan groans and rolls over to the other side of the bed, ears picking up the explosions of voices from downstairs. He tells himself they'll handle it just fine without him, despite their alpha's fear of conflicts. It can't always be Himchan's job.

The door to his bedroom creaks, and Jongup's familiar scent reaches his nose.

"Hyung? Are you awake?"

Himchan grunts.

"Almost."

The mattress dips, and Himchan finally peers one eye open as he turns back around. Jongup smiles sweetly at him, lying flat on his stomach on top of the blanket. He's wearing sweats and a loose t-shirt—their usual dress code for weekends at home.

Just the thought makes something warm and soft settle in Himchan's gut. Knowing the kids won't be leaving for school. That the pack will be together. Lazy Saturdays are the best.

"I made coffee," Jongup tells him, his voice slightly muffled with one cheek buried in the second pillow. "I would've brought you a cup but Yongguk-hyung wouldn't let me."

Himchan hums, internally rolling his eyes at Yongguk trying to lure him out using coffee as bait. It's annoying how well it works. He reaches out to brush some strands of hair out of Jongup's face.

"That's why you're my favorite," he sighs.

Jongup's smile stretches even wider.

"Favorite son?"

"What?" Himchan scoffs. "No, that's weird."

"Why?"

"Because I like to hold your hand."

Jongup looks thoughtful.

"You hold everyone's hand."

"And I don't think of any of you as my sons or brothers," Himchan clarifies, sitting up. "You're just my favorite. Period. Now, come on. I need that coffee."

Once entering the kitchen, the scent of embarrassment lingers on Daehyun. There's a broken mug in the sink. Himchan quirks an eyebrow at Yongguk, but the alpha actively avoids his gaze. Giving up, Himchan takes one of the still-intact mugs from the cabinet and pours himself some coffee before joining the others around the table.

Breakfast is loud and messy, per usual.

Daehyun and Youngjae are bickering about an incident Himchan isn't familiar with. Junhong is trying to tell everyone about the new trick he managed to do on his board earlier this week, but only succeeds in getting half the pack's attention. Yongguk is trying to listen in on every conversation at once, though not contributing with much on his own. Jongup is mostly focusing on eating his cereal.

When Daehyun suddenly reaches over to pat Youngjae on the head, as if he were a small child, Youngjae hastily swats at his arm. It instantly earns them everyone's attention.

"Yah!"

Daehyun's whole expression changes, going from amused to serious in a heartbeat. He looks almost _hurt_ , and it's not what Himchan had expected at all.

"What?" He asks, as if he truly doesn't understand what he did wrong.

Youngjae hesitates, looking confused. He had probably expected Daehyun to keep up with the teasing, just like Himchan had.

"Don't pat me on the head," he says after a moment. His voice is uncertain, as if he can't tell if Daehyun is messing with him or not.

There's a pause, Daehyun's pulse skipping a small beat, before saying:

"You like it when you're a wolf."

Complete silence falls. Jongup stops mid-chew. Himchan feels the urge to gape, but doesn't. For a long moment, no one does anything. Until Youngjae finally breaks the uncomfortable silence.

"We don't talk about that," he says flatly.

Because they _don't_. It's always been this unspoken rule between them, not to talk about the touches exchanged between them while they're in their wolf forms. Himchan can't say how or why it happened, but he suspects Yongguk was the reason.

Daehyun looks uncharacteristically uncomfortable from all the attention, yet somehow determined.

"We _should_ ," he says, and Himchan hears the pick-up in his heartbeat. His eyes flicker around the table, making it clear he's not just speaking to Youngjae anymore. "What if I do something you don't like?"

His voice sounds unstable, and Himchan quickly realizes this is something Daehyun has been thinking about for quite some time. Something he's _wanted_ to speak his mind about, but hasn't dared. Probably worried they'd all react _exactly like_ _this_.

Jongup is glancing at Himchan, probably hoping for him to say something. Junhong is carefully looking in Yongguk's direction for the same reason, always dependent on his leader's opinion. Yongguk, in turn, looks mortified.

Himchan thinks that it they all just wait long enough, their alpha will probably say something eventually. But that's gonna take too long, and everyone already looks ready to curl in on themselves. Daehyun looks like he regrets ever opening his mouth.

"You're right," Himchan says. He immediately has everyone's attention, the whole pack staring at him in disbelief. "We haven't— It's not—" He sighs softly. "Look, consent is important, okay?" The two youngest nod wordlessly, for which Himchan is grateful. "We can't speak when we're transformed, and I know that's a relief, an escape, for some of you—"

He doesn't look in Yongguk's direction; doesn't _need_ to. He can see the leader clenching his jaw in the corner of his eye, knowing he's the one Himchan's referring to. Hell, they all know.

"But Daehyunnie is right," Himchan continues, seriously. "We should be able to talk about things that happen, things we _do_ , while we're in those forms. It's just as much us as right here, right now."

Daehyun blinks, and Himchan can smell the _hope_ radiating from him. Himchan gives him a small smile in reassurance, and Daehyun gets something very soft in his eyes.

"We're a pack, a family. We should be able to trust each other with this, just like anything else. We won't judge each other." Himchan lifts his eyebrows in question, looking between all of them. "Right?"

"Right," Daehyun says quietly, and the two youngest once again nods in agreement.

Youngjae and Yongguk remain quiet.

"Great," Himchan says pointedly, deciding not to pressure them. He knows they're listening. Knows they agree, but are currently too shy to speak openly. "So let's have a family meeting. If there's anything anyone would like to share—something you dislike or want to encourage—feel free to do so. Now."

Another silence reigns, only this time they all glance at each other almost expectantly. They can all sense the emotions around the table; embarrassment, anxiety, but also _excitement_ , and it's not just from Daehyun.

Still, he's the one bold enough to speak up first.

"I— I like… everything," he admits in a small voice, eyes cast down. "When you guys pet me, hug me, or coo at me. Just— I like everything."

Himchan isn't surprised by this, but it still feels surprisingly relieving to hear Daehyun say it out loud for the first time. Knowing that even the times when he's thought he'd taken things too far, Daehyun most likely liked it. They really should've talked about this a long time ago.

"Something you don't like?"

Daehyun looks thoughtful, then slowly lifts his gaze from the table to look Himchan in the eye.

"No? I mean— You guys don't do anything bad. If _I_ do something bad—"

He suddenly looks really worried.

"I don't think you do anything bad," Jongup chimes in, as if wanting to reassure his hyung.

"Me neither," Himchan offers. "You're just as needy as when you're human, and I always pretend to be annoyed by it, but I'm not."

Daehyun's face lights up at that. Junhong looks amused by Himchan's confession, a lot more relaxed now than a moment ago. And when silence once again settles over the table, he's the one to break it.

"I like when you all treat me like I'm still a puppy," he admits, clearly shy about it. "I… I miss being pulled into someone's lap."

This doesn't surprise Himchan either. Seems like everyone misses the wolf cub the omega had been in the beginning of his transformation, even Junhong himself.

"You'd still fit in our laps," Jongup points out, smiling sweetly at his friend. "Yongguk-hyung was practically in Daehyun-hyung's lap that one night, and he's huge."

Yongguk, who's been sitting perfectly still ever since this conversation started, somehow still manages to freeze at the mention of his name—of _that night_. Daehyun's heart skips a long and obvious beat, and he actively avoids meeting anyone's gaze.

Himchan wants to roll his eyes at them both.

"Uppie is right," he tells Junhong. "We can still do that. If you want."

Junhong nods quickly, blushing with a wide smile lighting up his face. He glances over to where Youngjae's sitting, and Himchan thinks he knows why. Knows Youngjae was the one who used to coo over Junhong the most when he was a still puppy.

"Something you want us to _not_ do?" Himchan asks.

Junhong looks hesitant for a moment, before carefully saying:

"Maybe… be careful with your teeth when you chase my tail?"

"Ah," Jongup says lowly. "I second this."

They both look so uncertain about speaking out, but Himchan is proud of them.

"Sorry," Daehyun mumbles, looking truly regretful.

"It's okay, hyung," Jongup assures him. "It's just— We all have really sharp teeth when we're wolves, you know?"

Daehyun scoffs weakly, nodding. They do.

"Let's all be more careful in the future," Himchan decides.

Everyone nods; even Yongguk tilts his chin down. Progress.

"I like belly rubs," Youngjae suddenly says, surprising everyone.

"I knew it," Daehyun says under his breath.

Youngjae's head quickly turns to him, prepared to be embarrassed by the smug look on his friend's face, but stops short when Daehyun only meets him with a gentle smile. He wasn't mocking him. Youngjae swallows, cheeks still a faint pink.

"Just… If you pat me on the head when I'm human it just feels degrading."

"I didn't _mean_ for it to be degrading," Daehyun hurries to say. "It was meant to be endearing!"

"Well, it didn't feel endearing," Youngjae counters sharply, but everyone hears the affectionate stutter of his heart. He's still blushing. "Pat me somewhere else."

Daehyun's gaze flickers. The corners of his mouth twitches, like he's fighting back a smile.

"Where?"

" _I don't know_ ," Youngjae snaps, embarrassed. "Somewhere. Anywhere. God— Can we move on?"

They all chuckle, clearing the air. The tension only remains thick in Yongguk's corner of the table.

"What about you, hyung?" Junhong asks, looking at Himchan.

Himchan shrugs, fumbling with the coffee mug in his hands.

"I got no complaints. Keep doing what you do."

"So you don't want more scratching behind your ears?"

"Actually. Yes. Thanks for noticing, Dae."

The delta looks awfully pleased with himself.

Himchan looks over to the alpha, hoping to get him to join the conversation. Yongguk meets his gaze steadily, wordlessly. Some might've taken it as challenging, as if _daring_ him to say something, but Himchan knows what it really means.

_Not here. Not now._

Himchan nods, and directs his attention back to the younger members who pretend they didn't notice the exchange.

 

 

Later, when Youngjae and Junhong have claimed the TV to play Nintendo, and Jongup and Daehyun have ran out of the house on all fours to let off some steam, Himchan finds Yongguk on the front porch. He's sitting cross-legged with a canvas in front of him, brush in his hand. He'd picked up oil painting a while back, and it's become his stress reliever. Just like Jongup's is racing through the woods.

Himchan had tried it a few times, when Yongguk looked like he needed company. It's always a guessing game; what the alpha needs, because of course he never says it outright. That'd be too straightforward, too easy. Himchan takes great pride in being able to read the man better than anyone else, but even he gets it wrong sometimes. Yongguk is anything but _simple_.

The leader doesn't look up when Himchan steps outside. Doesn't need to.

"Checking up on me?" He asks, tone unreadable.

Still, he puts the brush down and moves the canvas to lean against the railing to dry.

"I think you need to understand a few things," Himchan explains, sitting down in the spot left vacant by the canvas. "About us. About you."

Yongguk's swallows. He doesn't look surprised. He shouldn't.

Silence reigns for a moment, as Yongguk looks down at his hands. Himchan tries to figure out where to start. He inches closer. Close enough for their knees to brush. The alpha lets him.

"We don't see you any differently as a wolf," he says eventually, voice careful. "You're always the same, Bbang. Do you hear me? To us, you're always the same. We don't expect different things from you depending on what form you're in."

Yongguk purses his lips, looking hesitant to answer at first.

"It's not about some stupid _image_ , Channie," he eventually mumbles, sounding troubled. "I don't care what— I just…" He shakes his head, helplessly. "I'm not good at this stuff."

"Stuff?"

Yongguk exhales heavily, shoulders sagging.

"Affection."

It's barely a whisper, as if scared to say the word out loud for the first time.

And while Himchan has never doubted that their leader feels affection for them all, it still feels special to hear it from Yongguk's own mouth.

"I'm not like you, Channie. I can't just—"

"Why not?" Himchan presses. "What are you afraid of?"

Yongguk suddenly looks small, hunching in on himself. Nothing like the alpha Himchan first met years back. Yongguk can be intimidating when he needs to, and it took a long time before he let someone see this vulnerable side of him. Sometimes Himchan wonders if he's the only one who gets to.

Himchan sighs into the silence.

"Yongguk-ah," he says. Yongguk doesn't look up, but then Himchan didn't expect him to. "Not that you'd ever tell me, but my guess is you met a whole lot of bad people before me. Before Junhongie. You have your reasons for not trusting people right off the bat."

They don't talk about their past much, but for other reasons than the touch thing. This is not about embarrassment or intimacy. There's a reason they're all here, and not with their blood relatives. There's a reason Junhong is still haunted by nightmares. There's a reason Daehyun's jeans were torn to shreds when Yongguk first found him.

Some of them Himchan knows. He knows why Jongup ran away from home, because the younger told him one night. When no one but Himchan was there to hear the tremble in his voice. Himchan never asked, but maybe Jongup needed to tell someone. Maybe it helped.

Himchan used to believe they'd all feel better once they talked about it, but Youngjae didn't. It was like his own words tore an old wound back open. It was heartbreaking.

As much as Himchan wants to know what kind of shit Yongguk went through before they met, he won't press for answers.

"But I'm hoping, that after five years of being a pack—of being a _family_ —you actually trusts us."

"I do," Yongguk says immediately, finally looking up. "Channie, _of course_ I do."

"Then trust that we would never reject you," Himchan tells him, pleadingly. "That if you reach out to any of us, we won't turn you down." He pauses. "Daehyun might cry out of happiness though."

It's an attempt to lighten the mood, but he's still means it.

Yongguk snorts, surprisingly, and it makes Himchan grin. The alpha sighs heavily, his expression slowly turning serious again. His jaw sets, eyes on the ground as if he's thinking it over. Himchan lets him be this time, lets him take all the time he needs.

He looks out over forest in the meantime, managing to pick up the scents of Jongup and Daehyun as they chase each other between the trees. He can't see them, but he knows they're there. Not too far away. From inside the house, he can hear the faint sound of Youngjae and Junhong's heartbeats as well as their laughter.

They're all there. Within his reach.

"I'll try," Yongguk finally says, breaking the comfortable silence. Himchan slowly looks back to him. The alpha steadily meets his gaze. He smells of affection and hope. "I want to. I _always_ wanted to. I just—" He interrupts himself to nod. "I'll try," he says again.

Himchan nods, too.

"We love you," he says then. "You know that, right?"

Yongguk's heartbeat doesn't exactly stutter, but it does _something_. He doesn't look away from Himchan, his eyes seeming to widen a little. He swallows visibly, Adam's apple bobbing.

Then he ducks his head down, leaning in to rest his forehead on Himchan's shoulder. He lets out a breath through his nose, shoulders sagging. Himchan opens his mouth to ask, but thinks better of it. He says nothing, just tilts his head to the side and rest his cheek on top of Yongguk's head. It's an embrace even without their arms reaching around each other. Hesitant and careful.

"Thank you," Yongguk says after a moment.

Himchan can feel the heat of Yongguk's breath through his shirt.

"Sure," he just says. Like it's simple.

Because it is.

They stay like that for a while, until their hearts are beating in sync and Himchan knows his shoulder is gonna feel cold once Yongguk pulls back. It's nice. Himchan knows Yongguk must sense his happiness, but that's okay, because he can sense Yongguk's in return.

"I think Jonguppie and Daehyunnie are watching us," Himchan mumbles eventually, able to sense their presence but can't see them.

Yongguk chuckles lightly, and slowly pulls back. Reluctantly, maybe. There's a faint embarrassment oozing off him, but that's okay. People need time to change. Himchan knows this.

"They shouldn't be surprised," the leader hums. "You're always the one who brings me back around."

Himchan smiles, pleased.

"The kids do say we're like an old married couple," he points out, muttering.

Yongguk scoffs.

"Well, they're kind of right," he says.

Himchan groans dramatically, heart fluttering.

It's not that he's in love with Yongguk—Himchan is pretty sure it isn't—but in a group perspective, they really are the parents of this family. And it makes him happy that Yongguk knows this, too.

"Never thought I'd get stuck in a loveless marriage," he jokes.

He stands up, figuring his job here is done.

"Not loveless."

Yongguk's voice is soft, as are his eyes when Himchan looks back at him in surprise. Yongguk smiles up at him, that small and private kind of smile only seen in moments like these. With just the two of them.

"Just different."


End file.
